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*my blue lullaby * Mary P.

In memory of angel...

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1981-2007

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Thursday was always bad day for me, and 16th October of 2007. Thursday, was probably saddest day in my life. When my classmate, Zoia, came to me and said “Toshe Proeski died in car accident” I though she was making joke. “Ha, that must be rumor” I though and went on. Whole day I felt big hole in my stomach and terrible taste in my mouth.

 

I came home. My granny and brother also told me bad news. So, it was true. On TV there were news and they talked about Toshe’s dead. Totally crashed car with blood where door should be. Talk about his dead. And then his smiling face, his voice and his song. Suddenly, like I didn’t realize it all before that moment, I started to cry. And I just couldn’t stop.

 

Next few days were like hell. My friends were moaning too. We wore black. I couldn’t make myself to study, to draw, to read. Everything was just strange and I just wanted to sleep and wake up somewhere where this all is dream. I cried most of time. I don’t remember I ever cried so much. Andrew, my brother, even asked if I would cry so much if he would die. I really felt like I lost my brother, part of family, my best friend.

Belgrade Arena 14. February

Best Valentines

“But you didn’t even know him!” people would say to me. Like it matters! I was at concert. And, it sounds funny, but I feel like I did know him. He was so honest, undisguised, just like some, as paper would say, “boy next door”. He acted like all people are his friends. I felt like he loved everyone! At concert, I didn’t think “I wonder how he is in person”. I though “He’s angel. He must be angel”.

 

As Ingrid Bergman said “Happiness is good health, but bad memory”, that concert night, 14th February of 2007. now hurts me too much. When I think that boy who had that beautiful, honest smile is dead, my mind all dazes. I’ll never forget how he hugged all those teddy-bears, how he jumped, how he singed, how he talked to us, how happy he was and how happy he made me feel. I didn’t care, for first time in my life, that I don’t have my Valentine date. If I could chouse that nigh were would I be, I would never move from Toshe’s concert! I would stay there forever!

 

And now, I start to cry when I pass by Belgrade Arena where concert was held...

To a boy with most beautiful eyes

Boy with most beautiful eyes

The line in front of Macedonian embassy for book of mourning had at last 1000 people in it. My two friends, my mother and I waited for about four hours to write in book. So many people loved Toshe! Although my legs hurt, I didn’t care and I would never even think of getting out of line.

 

We listened to his songs and talked about him. “I can’t believe it. Maybe he’s alive.’ I found myself repeating this line all over again, still in shock after two days. I couldn’t, and I didn’t want, to believe. I still can’t believe it. Closer we were to door, more we cried. I don’t know if we were only one in line that cried, but somehow I feel we cried hardest. Somewhere near the door, there was another book of mourning (by side two in embassy) – it was rounded by pile of flowers, candles and teddy-bears. It reminded me how he used to collect teddy bears and how he singed with them. And I just couldn’t stop tears... I looked at his picture by side book – he was smiling, as always. But that smile hurt too much. By side photo someone put a plushy heart. It was red and it had white letters on it – “To a boy with most beautiful eyes”.

 

We finally got in (I didn’t feel my legs anymore). It was quiet and peaceful – only thing you could hear were Toshe’s songs, playing softly from another room. Here, also, was his smiling picture with black stripe. It was so painful.

 

I, honestly, was so sad and upset that I don’t know what I wrote. Can words even express my sadness? I just told all what I meant and felt at that moment. I remember I was shaking. There were no more tears, but I was out of my self. Nice man who worked at embassy asked me if I’m fine. “No.” I said, still shaking ‘No, and I don’t know will I ever be.”

Toshe

Following the angel

Why am I writing this? Why are all people crying? There are hundred of people who haven’t met him and who are crying. It might seem silly for someone by side, but I understand it all. Since whole Balkan (and mainly Macedonia where Toshe is from) didn’t lose just singer of most beautiful voice... We didn’t just lost good-looking singer and idol... No, we lost angel. Toshe was angel on earth.

 

When he became popular, he didn’t change himself. He stayed that same boy as before. He just became more humane. He was always modest – I heard that when he bought his car (in which he died) he said he feels ashamed to drive in such expensive car. First money he got when he became popular went to his family that was poor and to people from his village. He made humane concerts all the time. Teddy-bears he collected (600 of them) went to orphans in Macedonia.

There are also three stories I found in newspaper that shows how big heart Toshe had:

  • There was boy, Toshe Ilijev, who had brain cancer. He needed money for operation that meant life to him and he didn’t have that money. His father asked Toshe for help and he immediately agreed – he made humane concert and got all money little Toshe needed for his life. Before concert, Toshe came to play with boy and his brother. He didn’t accept to take money that left. After operation, he always called to ask how his namesake is feeling.

Toshe and Milena

  • Milena was only three, but she was more ill then most of people. There was a little hope for her – she spent her days in bed, with bottle of oxygen, watching TV all day. Once, she watched Toshe on TV, singing on concert and she cried “My only wish is that I also go once on his concert, and after that I can die”. Her parents were incredibly sad. They told that to their friends about this wish of their daughter and friends talked to some other people about this in one cafe. Destiny and faith were merciful this time – Toshe was going through that town that day and in cafe he heard story about girl’s wish to met him. He asked where girl lives and went there vary same moment. Since then, Toshe was Milena’s best friend – he visited her all the time, in hospital and at home, he made her life better, he played with her. Since she died in 2000. he visited her grave whenever he went through Negotino, place where she lived.

  • There was man whose wife Merima had tumor on brain and she was unable to come on Toshe’s concert. But Toshe sang on man’s mobile phone one of his greatest songs, “Zajdi, Zajdi” and he brought smile on Merima’s face.

Toshe in front of UNICEF sigh

These are probably just some of stories. He was UNICEF ambassador and he got award for humanity. After his dead the Parliament of the Republic of Macedonia announced Toshe as an honored citizen. They’ll probably name square and school after him, and museum of his things will be opened in Krushevo, his home town.

 

When you’re walking down the street, many of people you meet and see would never do such things as Toshe. Probably half of people you know wouldn’t do anything like this. Sit down and ask yourself if you would do something like this. And think about Toshe. If he could do it, we can too. He would like to see people united, cheerful and humane. Let’s make his wish come true. Let’s follow angel’s footsteps.

Toshe’s timeline

Big thanks to Biljani Pesevskoa who gave me premenition to use this short biography (known as timeline) from her great site

 http://tose-proeski.memory-of.com/

 

1981.

  • Born in Krusevo, Macedonia on January 25, 1981.

 

1988.

  • Started to go in the elementary school "Nikola Karev" in Krusevo.

 

1992.

  • Participated in  children's festival "Zlatno Slavejce" with the song "Jas i Dedo mi" in Vlahs language.

1996.

  • Finished elementary school.

 

  • Participated in the teenage festival "Melfest."

 

  • Started in the Musical Highschool in Bitola, which will probably have his name in the nearest future.

1997.

  • Participated in "Makfest" with the song "Pusti Me" or in english "Let me go". This led to his rise of fame.

1999.

  • Released first debut album "Negde vo nokta" or "Somewhere in the night", which included 11 tracks. That summer he performed in his first solo concert in Skopje

2000.

  • Finished Musical Highschool.

 

  • He sang the song "Solzi Pravat Zlaten Prsten" ("Golden Ring made of Tears") in the Eurovision pre-selection. He won over the televoters, but ended up third because of the judges.

 

  • In June of that year he promoted his new album "Sinot Bozji" ("The Son of God") from which many new great hits came out of such as: "Nemir" ("Restless") (a duet with Karolina Goceva), "Vo Kosi da ti Spijam" ("Sleeping in Your Hair"), "Izlazi me Uste Ednas" ("Lie to Me One More Time"), "Iluzija" ("Illusion"), and "Tajno Moja" ("Secret of mine").

 

  • He got an Oscar of Popularity in former Yugoslav republics for the year 2000.

2001.

  • Tose went on tour with other Macedonian singers in Australia.

2002.

  • He released his album "Ako me poglednes vo oci" ("If you look into my eyes") in both Macedonian and Serbian.

2003.

  • In April he won "Beovizija" in Belgrade with the song "Cija Si" ("To whom do you belong?"). The song became an instant hit throughout Macedonia and other former republics.

 

  • Tose was awarded the Mother Theresa Humanitarian Award and also that year he became Regional UNICEF Ambassador.

2004.

  • He was chosen to represent Macedonia in the Eurovision Song Contest in Istanbul, Turkey that February. He sang the song "Life" which in Macedonia was known as "Angel Si Ti." During the finals of the Eurovision song contest in May he finished 14th.

 

  • In the same year he was named a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador and recorded the song "Za Ovoj Svet" ("This World") which became the UNICEF anthem.

2005.

  • Tose released his fifth album "Po Tebe" ("After You") which became the most successful Balkan album. The album topped charts in Republic of Macedonia, Serbia, Croatia, Slovenia and Bosnia and Herzegovina for months.

 

2006.

  • Tose's album "Bozilak" ("Rainbow"), which was a compilation of 14 traditional Macedonian songs, came out.

2007.

  • His last album "Igri Bez Granici" in Macedonian and "Igra Bez Granica" in Serbian ("Games without Borders") came out in August throughout all ex-Yugoslavian countries.

 

  • A Slovenian album that came out the same year was "Moja" ("Mine")

 

  • On October 5th he had his last concert in the Skopje Stadium. It is said that there were more than 30,000 people attending it.

 

  • The night before he died he had his final interview on "Vrteleska" with Vesna Petrusevska and Vasil Zafircev on the Macedonian channel Kanal 5.

  • Passed away on October 16, 2007 at the age of 26 in a tragic car accident near Nova Gradiska, Croatia.

Links

Light a candel for Toshe
Go on link below and light a candel for Toshe. Whe it syas that you should enter a group initial, you enter "tose" and it will be putted in group with other candels for Toshe.

Memory page on "Find a grave"
Here you can virtualy visit Tohse's grave and leave him virtual flowers.