Thursday was always bad day for me, and 16th October of 2007. Thursday, was probably saddest day
in my life. When my classmate, Zoia, came to me and said “Toshe Proeski died in car accident” I though she was
making joke. “Ha, that must be rumor” I though and went on. Whole day I felt big hole in my stomach and terrible
taste in my mouth.
home. My granny and brother also told me bad news. So, it was true. On TV there were news and they talked about Toshe’s
dead. Totally crashed car with blood where door should be. Talk about his dead. And then his smiling face, his voice and his
song. Suddenly, like I didn’t realize it all before that moment, I started to cry. And I just couldn’t stop.
few days were like hell. My friends were moaning too. We wore black. I couldn’t make myself to study, to draw, to read.
Everything was just strange and I just wanted to sleep and wake up somewhere where this all is dream. I cried most of time.
I don’t remember I ever cried so much. Andrew, my brother, even asked if I would cry so much if he would die. I really
felt like I lost my brother, part of family, my best friend.
you didn’t even know him!” people would say to me. Like it matters! I was at concert. And, it sounds funny, but
I feel like I did know him. He was so honest, undisguised, just like some, as paper would say, “boy next door”.
He acted like all people are his friends. I felt like he loved everyone! At concert, I didn’t think “I wonder
how he is in person”. I though “He’s angel. He must be angel”.
Bergman said “Happiness is good health, but bad memory”, that concert night, 14th February of 2007.
now hurts me too much. When I think that boy who had that beautiful, honest smile is dead, my mind all dazes. I’ll never
forget how he hugged all those teddy-bears, how he jumped, how he singed, how he talked to us, how happy he was and how happy
he made me feel. I didn’t care, for first time in my life, that I don’t have my Valentine date. If I could chouse
that nigh were would I be, I would never move from Toshe’s concert! I would stay there forever!
I start to cry when I pass by Belgrade Arena where concert was held...
with most beautiful eyes
in front of Macedonian embassy for book of mourning had at last 1000 people in it. My two friends, my mother and I waited
for about four hours to write in book. So many people loved Toshe! Although my legs hurt, I didn’t care and I would
never even think of getting out of line.
to his songs and talked about him. “I can’t believe it. Maybe he’s alive.’ I found myself repeating
this line all over again, still in shock after two days. I couldn’t, and I didn’t want, to believe. I still can’t
believe it. Closer we were to door, more we cried. I don’t know if we were only one in line that cried, but somehow
I feel we cried hardest. Somewhere near the door, there was another book of mourning (by side two in embassy) – it was
rounded by pile of flowers, candles and teddy-bears. It reminded me how he used to collect teddy bears and how he singed with
them. And I just couldn’t stop tears... I looked at his picture by side book – he was smiling, as always. But
that smile hurt too much. By side photo someone put a plushy heart. It was red and it had white letters on it – “To
a boy with most beautiful eyes”.
got in (I didn’t feel my legs anymore). It was quiet and peaceful – only thing you could hear were Toshe’s
songs, playing softly from another room. Here, also, was his smiling picture with black stripe. It was so painful.
was so sad and upset that I don’t know what I wrote. Can words even express my sadness? I just told all what I meant
and felt at that moment. I remember I was shaking. There were no more tears, but I was out of my self. Nice man who worked
at embassy asked me if I’m fine. “No.” I said, still shaking ‘No, and I don’t know will I ever
I writing this? Why are all people crying? There are hundred of people who haven’t met him and who are crying. It might
seem silly for someone by side, but I understand it all. Since whole Balkan (and mainly Macedonia
where Toshe is from) didn’t lose just singer of most beautiful voice... We didn’t just lost good-looking singer
and idol... No, we lost angel. Toshe was angel on earth.
he became popular, he didn’t change himself. He stayed that same boy as before. He just became more humane. He was always modest – I heard that when he bought his car (in which he died) he said he feels
ashamed to drive in such expensive car. First money he got when he became popular went to his family that was poor and to
people from his village. He made humane concerts all the time. Teddy-bears he collected (600 of them) went to orphans in Macedonia.
are also three stories I found in newspaper that shows how big heart Toshe had:
- There was boy, Toshe Ilijev, who had brain cancer. He needed
money for operation that meant life to him and he didn’t have that money. His father asked Toshe for help and he immediately
agreed – he made humane concert and got all money little Toshe needed
for his life. Before concert, Toshe came to play with boy and his brother. He didn’t accept to take money that left.
After operation, he always called to ask how his namesake is feeling.
Milena was only three, but she was more ill then most of people. There was a little
hope for her – she spent her days in bed, with bottle of oxygen, watching TV all day. Once, she watched Toshe on TV,
singing on concert and she cried “My only wish is that I also go once on his concert, and after that I can die”.
Her parents were incredibly sad. They told that to their friends about this wish of their daughter and friends talked to some
other people about this in one cafe. Destiny and faith were merciful this time – Toshe was going through that town that
day and in cafe he heard story about girl’s wish to met him. He asked where girl lives and went there vary same moment.
Since then, Toshe was Milena’s best friend – he visited her all the time, in hospital and at home, he made her
life better, he played with her. Since she died in 2000. he visited her grave whenever he went through Negotino, place where
There was man whose wife Merima had tumor on brain and she was unable to come on Toshe’s
concert. But Toshe sang on man’s mobile phone one of his greatest songs, “Zajdi, Zajdi” and he brought smile
on Merima’s face.
are probably just some of stories. He was UNICEF ambassador and he got award for humanity. After his dead the Parliament of
of Macedonia announced Toshe as an honored
citizen. They’ll probably name square and school after him, and museum of his things will be opened in Krushevo,
his home town.
you’re walking down the street, many of people you meet and see would never do such things as Toshe. Probably half of
people you know wouldn’t do anything like this. Sit down and ask yourself if you would do something like this. And think
about Toshe. If he could do it, we can too. He would like to see people united, cheerful and humane. Let’s make his
wish come true. Let’s follow angel’s footsteps.